Monday, July 30, 2012

Oreos and Chick-fil-a

Oreos and Chick-fil-a : a musical about the corporate businiess world's opinions regarding gay marriage and how I don't give a cuss about them.

I lied.
This is not a musical, but you are welcome to sing it if you so wish (and if it dost not offend the ears of those around you).

SHUT UP! You are a cookie!
SHUT UP! You are a chicken sandwich!

What is this a business or an advice column?
Cusses at Chick-fil-a JUST MAKE SANDWICHES!
ELVES! (For, it is undoubtedly a fact that elves make cookies. Specifically, I believe that the elves that make Oreos are of African American descent. They also attended Harvard and do not like Tyler Perry). Oh yes shouting... back to shouting.
ELVES! We will cut your healthcare benefits!

Soon every freaking restaurant in the nation will have to decide whether or not they support gay rights. Then we will be in the car on a Friday night just wanting to pick a restaurant to eat at and....
        ME: “what about Chili’s?”
        LIBERAL FRIENDS: “ Sorry we can't go there, they don't support gay marriage”
        ME: “What about Chipotle?”
        CONSERVATIVE FRIENDS: “Sorry we can't eat there, they support gay marriage”
        ME: “Where the cuss are we going to eat then? Remember food? We are going to cussing starve.”

Soon we will all be eating at: “Switzerland: the only restaurant not to have taken sides in the gay marriage debate.”
The epidemic will spread to every kind of retail. We won't be able to see someone without instantaneously deducing their opinion on politics from the kind of shoes that they're wearing.
Or even worse, we will end up with idea-segregated-society. Separate restaurants and grocery stores for those of differing opinions. This is my favorite recipe for becoming world class idiots.
(Oh wait are we from America? What was that? We are already considered world class idiots? Super good, reputation in the bag.)

I get enough of this crap from tv as it is. I don't want it from my food.
I am going move into a mine, and come back in a couple thousand years as own my precious the one ring!
Dunkin' Doughnuts Employee: “That is a doughnut with sprinkles....sir...mam....object?”
ME: “My own... my precisoussss....”
(doubt not, young Skywalker, that Dunkin' Doughnuts will exist in a thousand years)

Take a stand, against taking a stand.
Because food is food, and I freaking want to eat it.

In an slightly related and in-fact political note:
Sarah Palin, I never want to see your ugly mug again,

unless you are Tina Fey

(much improved)

Tina, please tell me this has all been a big joke.
       You have really been “Sarah Palin” the whole time.
       You just wanted to see how stupid elected officials could be.
       Then you did impersonations of yourself on SNL, for fun times.
       Tell me that toddlers and tiaras parents don't become governors.
And above all,
Please tell me Palin doesn't exist, because she is scary looking.

Stand re-iterated, "The rest of you shut up. This is my opinion."


  1. Chicken sandwiches are pretty much the best thing ever...

  2. I think lucky boy breakfast burritos are the best thing ever

  3. Lol. Yes. If I were not GF I would be eating a Chick-fil-A AND an Oreo RIGHT NOW. But not because I want to make a statement. The only statement I would make is "HHUUUUUHHHRRRMMMM GLUTENY THINGS ARE SO GOOD."

  4. And make a Chick-fil-A-Oreo, cookie on the outside, chicken in the inside, with hate and political drama sauce.