tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81736386104360089772024-03-14T00:11:22.030-07:00Seize the Absurdsnarky cartoons and silly sentimentslizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.comBlogger183125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-11671614625134670712016-08-21T06:47:00.000-07:002016-08-21T06:47:29.535-07:00The National Gallery of ArtWe went to the National Gallery of Art - they gave out little sketch books. It has a Van Gogh sketch on the front, so that you can be reminded of how feeble your sketch attempts are in comparison. I had a good time making jokes.<br />
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Hlizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-48354567824807177712016-08-11T11:36:00.001-07:002016-08-11T11:36:32.095-07:00Drat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-81041948244176028102016-05-05T11:57:00.000-07:002016-05-05T11:57:06.417-07:00A Very Good Dog<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A comic for my dog who passed away. Because I love him. I think that now he is in a better place where he sleeps on an exact replica of my parent's bed all the time and no one ever makes him get off. I think that none of the doors in the house are ever closed and somehow we are all there for him all day everyday. </div>
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I am not open to your mocking me for being sentimental right now.</div>
<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-70723834255226115872016-01-25T11:59:00.002-08:002016-01-25T11:59:41.268-08:00Ipod Dancing <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yes my nano is old</div>
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we have a v long term relationship</div>
<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-51073119680899743922016-01-01T12:12:00.003-08:002016-05-12T09:29:43.484-07:00Star Wars: The Force Took A Quick Nap But It's Still AroundI am supposed to be finishing the pencils for something else so OF COURSE I don't want to do that AT ALL.<br />
I saw Star Wars and so did everybody else and everybody else is writing about out it and I will too because shut up. I will also add shitty pictures from my phone made in pencil. It's my reputation as a cartoonist to burn<br />
<h3>
<br />YEAH: </h3>
- bb-8<br />
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<br />
-FINN/REY/POE kind of different characters but maybe also the same character do you see what I mean? But it's fine cause we like them? Out of all of them Finn is probably my favorite because he reacts the way that I probably would to his continued survival despite all odds which is running around and yelling, "I AM ALIVE LOOK AT ME SO ALIVE, LOSERS! 100% NOT DEAD. I AM NOT DEAD. HAHA LOOK AT MY BUTT CAUSE I AM NOT DEAD, WHO'S NOT DEAD NOW?! OH! IT'S ME... OH ARE THEY COMING BACK????!? OMG RUN FOR IT BB-8!" Finn's adrenaline filled exuberance is my fave and he very reasonably maybe just wants to get away from all this and live out his life?<br />
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- IT WAS FUN! Stuff blew up! People used sudden unbeknownst to them skills which appeared from nowhere like they should because that's our dream isn't it? That we are absolutely wonderful at things that we know nothing about? That we are the chosen one, not on this dusty planet we have been left on with the "add water and explode" bread that we toil day and night for, but in the universe to some other people in some other world we are heroes? If they had to learn things, if they had to work to master swordsmanship, if they had to take a written exam to fly x-wings (which they failed twice), if there was a space DMV where they had to renew their lightspeed licenses (Han Solo has never had one),<br />
then they would be us in space which is not what you want and you know it.<br />
I mean the plot is water tight as the titanic. But that's not what you came to see this movie for.<br />
<br />
-Phasma (SPARKLES AND EVIL)<br />
OH MY GOD HOLD ON DOES DISNEY NEED FACE CHARACTERS FOR PHASMA NOW BECAUSE I AM 6 FOOT 1 AND EVEN 2 OF INCHES ON TALL DAYS AND I VOLUNTEER<br />
<br />
-Leia is being a general of an army and Han Solo is doing nothing useful why is he in this movie for so long.<br />
<h3>
MEH</h3>
-bigger Bigger BIGGER Death Star. like not 2x bigger but 3x bigger for sure. very different.<br />
<br />
-Dark side lookin' like a family on a long car ride instead of a badass unstoppable force:<br />
"DAD! DAD! Kylo said we didn't NEED the droid. He said that! He said 'oh I will use my cool force powers' like he always does because he doesn't appreciate my death star and the mechanics of actual physical substances. NO it's always 'oh the force this, oh the force that, oh the force is strong with that wookie's ass that we saw back on<br />
<br />
"DAD DAD why was Kylo busy killing his Father when he should have been asking, "what is my father doing here in this like i dunno only part of the death star which might blow the whole thing up?" Murdering people one at a time is inefficient<br />
<br />
Kylo: DAD DAaaaD can we stop at Hot Topic I need a new mask.<br />
<br />
I mean like use your anger Kylo but not stupidly aren't those the controls for um like the whole death star or whatever?<br />
<br />
- The force took a quick nap but it's still around BUT only in the descendants of previous jedi people because apparently this cosmic power and balance manifests itself only through hereditary lines? meh.<br />
<h3>
BLEH:</h3>
- Nazi stormtrooper rally...really?<br />
<br />
- Mr. Captianlargeprojectionofmygrosshead of the Dark side. If you join the dark side the evil will age you to like instant one billion years old.<br />
<br />
-Kylo Ren taking off his mask. Verily the movie turned into a farce at this point. Please Consider- "Star Wars: A Petulant Evil" for your next titlelizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-19463914423872900062015-11-22T18:49:00.000-08:002015-11-22T18:54:46.470-08:00Ghosts!I forgot to post these ghosts from Halloween I <3 <3 <3 them okay?<br />
Also it's never too late for Halloween.<br />
It's Halloween forever in my soul.<br />
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-53642627171755507862015-11-10T16:59:00.001-08:002015-11-10T16:59:13.156-08:00crush<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xckQzNQel0Y/VkKRE2PjFqI/AAAAAAAAC7Y/wd8vHvu0_zc/s1600/lizcoffee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xckQzNQel0Y/VkKRE2PjFqI/AAAAAAAAC7Y/wd8vHvu0_zc/s640/lizcoffee.jpg" width="488" /></a></div>
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Crushes are the worst nobody needs them.</div>
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I especially do not need to relate to a person like they are the Trader Joe's chocolate I cannot live without (Dark, no not 75% that shit tastes like battery acid, no milk chocolate is anathema). I am fine and well can the democracy of my mind and body (hahaha democracy ha more like tyranny ruled over by a triumphant bag of goldfish crackers) please decide against this nonsense it is a time and life waster more virulent than television.</div>
<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-59952084517152170432015-09-19T12:01:00.001-07:002015-09-19T12:01:53.714-07:00Scratches the CatMore diary comics, this one is about a semi feral cat that would come in the house and hang out. He liked me except for when he didn't.<div>
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I have since met a cat (named Pickles) who is desperately affectionate and I vastly prefer Scratches' loving indifference.</div>
lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-70061980673609730642015-09-14T18:54:00.002-07:002015-09-19T18:39:54.708-07:00FloridaThis is a quick comic about my first couple days in Florida which involved:<br />
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<ul>
<li>sweating</li>
<li>roaches </li>
<li>more sweating</li>
<li>larger roaches </li>
<li>sweat stain possibilities that were hitherto unknown to me</li>
<li>humidity nausea </li>
<li>and sleeping in the back of a car to avoid roaches</li>
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lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-65579642052658220032015-08-15T18:06:00.002-07:002015-08-15T18:06:46.485-07:00Thanks for coming to this meeting Hey thanks for coming to this meeting Liz.<br />
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<i>Yeah. </i>(shifts hands nervously on the surface of the coffee table)<br />
<br />
We just wanted to talk to you about some things that we think you could be doing a little better to help us reach our company goals.<br />
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<i>Ok</i>. (Damn it. Not okay. They are saying that you suck because you do suck. Try to listen to them just roll with it)<br />
<br />
Right, well, this is really the most important one, we think that you could feign an interest in TV shows.<br />
<br />
<i>Okay.</i><br />
<br />
I mean, it is a problem that you've only seen one episode of Game of Thrones and you don't tweet about a single TV show. We have really gone to a lot of effort to make you blend in physically and I think that it's really important that you fit in emotionally as well. Humans would probably die for TV shows and if we could figure out a way to harness that power, I mean, our job here would really be done.<br />
<br />
<i>That makes sense, it does. Um is okay for me to like pretend to care or do you want me to try to really care?</i><br />
<br />
See that's part of the problem, asking a question like that seems to indicate that you aren't fully committed to our mission.<br />
<br />
<i>No. No, I am certainly committed to our mission, the number of human beings who let subservient animal species defecate on my lawn! No, their race is just so ready to be obliterated. I'm committed. I just want to be convincing and I want to know if it's possible for human beings to not tweet about tv shows because if it is maybe I could be one of those people, and not have to fake it?</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
It's not possible. Sometimes, what is it? Oh yeah! They say, "fake it till you make it". Can you try that?<br />
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<i>Yep. </i><br />
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-30353656111876786782015-08-08T19:06:00.000-07:002015-08-08T19:07:12.788-07:00A letter to Spiders<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zb5t2NwrwvU/VcaufP8IdhI/AAAAAAAAC4A/p9BhrilnvYk/s1600/Dear%2Bspiders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zb5t2NwrwvU/VcaufP8IdhI/AAAAAAAAC4A/p9BhrilnvYk/s320/Dear%2Bspiders.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Please send this message to all of the spiders that you know and I am sure that this problem will be cleared up immediately! I have added a chart just in case the spiders have some questions.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LgmgZAUR8YY/VcaukUF_XTI/AAAAAAAAC4I/hD0PpnWMVfU/s1600/chart%2Bfor%2Bspiders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LgmgZAUR8YY/VcaukUF_XTI/AAAAAAAAC4I/hD0PpnWMVfU/s1600/chart%2Bfor%2Bspiders.jpg" /></a></div>
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P.S. Letter also applies to cockroaches. Thanks.<br />
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<br />
This request is brought to you by teaching a class in an old church's reception hall.<br />
<br />
<u>A recipe for personal challenge and critter heebie jeebies:</u><br />
<i>If you think that you are a strong person who can deal with the challenges of life and maybe pick up heavy things then you will enjoy my favorite recipe for finding out that: 1. you are in fact a coward and 2. you would like other people to smush offending things for you </i><br />
<i>Pairs well with a side of bug and arachnid related nightmares.</i><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Ingredients:</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1 Large Black Widow</b><br />
Killed by me without hesitation. Hey, I am a champ! I am up to any challenge.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b></b><br />
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<b>1 Large Cockroach</b><br />
One and a half inches-ish, killed by me as a result of my determination to not let all the kids see it. Mental mantra: I am the teacher, I am the adult here and I will take care of it.<br />
That's a lot of guts.<br />
Are they green!? Not cool.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>1 Large Cockroach the Second</b><br />
Large cockroach the second came right by my foot and died. It was not there one second and the next it was next to my foot on its back clearly nearing the end of its participation in the circle of life but occasionally wavering a leg like it wanted me to comfort it and hold its hairy foot whilst guiding it into the afterlife.<br />
This was the end of my feigned bravery. If there are two large cockroaches, there are a million. Slight paranoia developed.<br />
<br />
<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-38924590444111819252015-06-16T20:11:00.001-07:002015-06-16T20:11:37.485-07:00Jealous<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
A green or slightly off yellow monster.<br />
I don't know your life but I think I want it for some reason. <br />
The you that I made up is perfect.<br />
I am so jealous of that you.<br />
You are probably nothing like you in real life. You probably do things that you don't want to like make dentist appointments, eat kale, and floss. You probably read half way through books that you really should have read forever ago and then quit (Cough* Anna Karenina).<br />
Who knows? Maybe you are perfect and your life is a never ending serenade sung by dolphins but I doubt it.lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-39132284184130310382015-06-12T17:19:00.000-07:002015-08-08T19:24:29.625-07:00Fave Friday: WeightliftingThings I am tired of hearing:<br />
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I thought that this opinion was a mythical internet beast like a cyber cubaccabra or something.<br />
I thought that this was something that only appeared in comments on you-tube videos, but NO I have personally witnessed people opining silly things about lifting. Let's all get some things straight: </div>
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Here are some reasons you should lift: (Ladies especially!) </div>
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<ol>
<li> I am stronger now than I ever was in high school (I played a non-stop parade of sports in high school averaging probably to about two hours of exercise everyday for three years). Even though I'm old and eating a single chocolate chip makes me feel like trash, I've never been this strong.</li>
<li>Lifting heavy things feels awesome. Really though. Lift a heavy thing. Pick it up. Put it down. You will now be lifting heavy things forever. Welcome to the society of those who post PRs on Facebook. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZdMaf-Lrm9o/VXtw1wqMu-I/AAAAAAAAC1g/gtE0uZZ5xK4/s1600/workout%2Bkilled%2Bme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZdMaf-Lrm9o/VXtw1wqMu-I/AAAAAAAAC1g/gtE0uZZ5xK4/s1600/workout%2Bkilled%2Bme.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Workouts feel great. Dead but great.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</li>
<li>Challenge is awesome- was your only achievement this week watching American Ninja Warrior? Do something.<a name='more'></a></li>
<li>Bone strength</li>
<li> Posture - I spent all of school slouched in our desk seats so that my eyebrows were level with the desk. You can't have shitty posture in weighted squats. I look more like a chick highland warrior now.</li>
<li>You can make jokes about gainz.</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SgIMjvnXzxk/VXtxK0AiOMI/AAAAAAAAC1o/1kEAwgh-UZg/s1600/lats.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="310" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SgIMjvnXzxk/VXtxK0AiOMI/AAAAAAAAC1o/1kEAwgh-UZg/s320/lats.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lats are a thing that I have now guys.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div>
What will not happen:</div>
<div>
<ol>
<li> You will not look like a female bodybuilder. You will not get "huge" or look like Arnold's twin sister. Saying, "Won't you get too big?" to chicks who are doing their utmost to gain half a bicep inch is ridiculous. If I could look like the Willams sisters tomorrow I would do it in a heartbeat but all my hard work gets me is an addiction to reading fitness articles. </li>
<li>You will not wake up tomorrow and look like you are on the heavyweight side of a power-lifting competition. (PS: These women rock it out. They are great athletes, and they lift hard. You would be so lucky to look like them but whatever.)</li>
<li>What if I'm one of the super rare and incredible women who gain muscle mass with surprising ease? If you are one of these people you probably already lift and you don't need my advice. </li>
</ol>
<div>
<i>Also check out this article:</i> <a href="http://tonygentilcore.com/2015/05/an-open-letter-to-everyone-who-has-told-women-dont-get-too-muscular/" target="_blank">An open letter to everyone who has told women "don't get too muscular"</a></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BCwqfCwMhvA/VXtxaps4q5I/AAAAAAAAC1w/bEmKSgYaNiw/s1600/teamwork.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BCwqfCwMhvA/VXtxaps4q5I/AAAAAAAAC1w/bEmKSgYaNiw/s1600/teamwork.jpg" /></a></div>
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lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-62715940275808451382015-06-08T17:05:00.001-07:002015-06-08T17:23:07.903-07:00FEARSFears:<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will never be anyone. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will never be anything. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will be who you are right now and never get better.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Someone else has done everything that you were fated for. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What you were made to do has already been done by Tim. Yesterday. You just missed it sorry.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All the <i>good</i> art that there is to be made has been made and you have not made it. Art will continue, but emptily, like an explanation of a joke</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will be someone you do not like.<br />
<br />
You will never have enough.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will never have health insurance. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will have health insurance because you have given up on what you wanted. You will also have dental and a heart full of regrets. You will pour yourself a glass of whiskey in the middle class home you are paying off, it will taste like lost opportunity. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Other people are better.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Somehow other people will have careers in things. You will not have careers in things. "Career" is a word that will slide off you and onto the ground, it will lie there limpid. </div>
<div>
<br />
You are not good at the thing.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
You will stop loving people. It is easier not to. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will give up.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will give up and start calling yourself a millennial. Once you do this, you will realize that it is true. That you somehow magically have a degree from a Liberal Arts College (which you do not regret) and your personality is not detail oriented. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will not write a book. </div>
<div>
<br />
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<div>
You will not have thoughts that are meaningful. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will not read a book.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will let your mind melt into the slow stickiness of previously freezer burnt ice cream.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will write one buzzfeed article and be terribly proud of yourself.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will want desperately to be all sorts of things that you do not understand. You will want to ask people about the things that you are, about the names that they call you but they will not answer. There is no time for Socrates in the marketplace and the internet is no marketplace and no one will listen.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Is there really anything to be said? If there is, it will not be you who says it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
All your stories will fall flat, they will be a two-dimensional door that no one can enter into and be a part of. You will be alone in your stories.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
No one will laugh. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
You will laugh but because there is nothing else that can be done. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>This is has been sort of depressing things that seem very true to me and also hopefully a little bit funny. Please do not have a panic attack. If you are having a panic attack try not to blame me even if it is my fault.</i></div>
lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-17478000577303808322015-06-06T19:05:00.000-07:002015-06-06T19:05:56.111-07:00Sketchbooks and You!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Dear people of the universe,</div>
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I would like to bring to your attention an arts farts etiquette issue. </div>
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When someone grabs your sketchbook and starts looking through it = >:( </div>
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<br /></div>
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Now you know and you have no excuse. </div>
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<i>Why Liz? Why does it bother you when I riffle through your mind on paper as if it was my very own? </i></div>
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<u>You are probably going to find: </u></div>
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</div>
<ul>
<li> my mind on paper which I would like to keep to myself sometimes ok?</li>
<li>figure drawings of some nekked people </li>
<li>random snippet notes on East of Eden or something that are like: "Timshel is the whole book anyway. Soulless? non-humanness incarnate, incarnation of evil opposite of incarnation of Christ. Never ending genesis. Cain and Abel, not Cain and Abel, forever Cain and Abel." Your reaction:????</li>
<li> a story I wrote about that one time you did something annoying</li>
<li>more swears than you thought possible</li>
<li>a cartoon in which the main character is a beheaded chicken</li>
</ul>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FAukYXCprig/VXOOm1nb2YI/AAAAAAAAC1I/CLAa2SKBilE/s1600/sketchbook%2Bdont%2Bread.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="556" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FAukYXCprig/VXOOm1nb2YI/AAAAAAAAC1I/CLAa2SKBilE/s640/sketchbook%2Bdont%2Bread.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-81904102864515289892015-05-30T13:48:00.001-07:002015-05-30T13:48:11.294-07:00I'll be right back<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vHujw47PE1I/VWohwrPiLtI/AAAAAAAAC0s/Y6PfpqBZooA/s1600/I%2527ll%2Bbe%2Bright%2Bback%2Bcartoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vHujw47PE1I/VWohwrPiLtI/AAAAAAAAC0s/Y6PfpqBZooA/s1600/I%2527ll%2Bbe%2Bright%2Bback%2Bcartoon.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-7770369935490759782015-05-28T11:24:00.000-07:002015-05-28T11:24:01.912-07:00My Life be like:<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My life be like:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H7JICSvjIQQ/VWdajE63utI/AAAAAAAAC0M/_1loKt444ng/s1600/writing%2Bbe%2Blike.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H7JICSvjIQQ/VWdajE63utI/AAAAAAAAC0M/_1loKt444ng/s1600/writing%2Bbe%2Blike.jpg" /></a></div>
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What even are those things on the table? </div>
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"What even are"?</div>
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Liz it is impossible for me to conceive of a grammar in which that would be acceptable. </div>
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I DO WHAT I WANT. </div>
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THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS. </div>
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Why do you think Candide is the funniest thing ever what is your problem.Voltaire was a big ass. </div>
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A FUNNY BIG ASS.<br />Why are you shouting?</div>
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IT'S FUNNY ALSO TOO MUCH COFFEE RUN ON</div>
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Hello gentleman and toadstools that compose my readership I am having a day. The sort of day in which one arises and says to themselves, "let's get things done!" then they proceed not to get things done which drives them further and further into a land of panic and maybe also of tears but just maybe we will see. Sorry I have not been posting cartoons recently I have been submitting them various other places and practicing rejection. Character. Hooray.lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-26939577573669894042015-05-17T15:30:00.001-07:002015-05-17T15:31:44.275-07:00Tombstone <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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I've been rethinking my tombstone game lately. Attempting to really capture your life on a piece of stone is a difficulty. Mostly it's factory molded angles cradling heart shaped placards on which your existence is whittled down to a name and dates. </div>
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What happened to complex interlocking poems like in the Spoon River anthology? Now that is a graveyard I could be a part of.</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iJoY7L8VPt4/VVkOuNw58dI/AAAAAAAACzQ/e3w5U63EzdQ/s1600/internet%2Btombstone.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iJoY7L8VPt4/VVkOuNw58dI/AAAAAAAACzQ/e3w5U63EzdQ/s640/internet%2Btombstone.png" width="358" /></a></div>
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<a name='more'></a><br />
Also thought of but not used:<br />
<br />
- Rest In Python<br />
- will not brb<br />
<br />
In small print underneath the laptop: "Liz once received more likes on a single joke than an acquaintance got on their engagement announcement. This was a greater quantity of success than she ever could have imagined and she kicked the bucket in surprise."<br />
<br />
An alternative possibility:<br />
"Liz is survived by her laptop and a recently acquired print of cats eating sushi. These were her best of friends and they will sorely miss her."<br />
<br />
In 2048 there will not be grass in cemeteries in LA. The Forest Lawns are looking yellowish already and I'm surprised that they haven't tried out some trendy desert landscaping.<br />
<br />
PS: On making the Spoon River Anthology a real thing - (a fake graveyard full of headstones that have the poems on them) No one has done this yet? Kickstarter has been a thing for a while now and no one has done this yet? What are we even doing. lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-22574298447767406902015-05-15T19:29:00.003-07:002015-05-17T14:29:50.303-07:00Fave Friday: Jonathan Strange & Mr. NorrellI have so many favorite things that I have decided to share them with you on Fridays. (Obligatory: These are a few of my favorite things!)<br />
Have you heard of these things before? Probably. Fine. I'll remind you about some wonderful things then.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Today: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell</h3>
<h4>
Quick Fix: </h4>
<div>
A fat book about some boss magic. Totally worth reading. </div>
<div>
Reading level: Like Harry Potter with a description of the battle of Waterloo in it.</div>
<h4>
Long Winded Description: </h4>
This is like Harry Potter for grown ups.* If you grew up with the Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, or harbor a fervent love for Neil Gaiman this is the book you've been waiting for. Read it right now. I only read it very recently but I wish I read it years ago.<br />
<br />
I do fall hard for books with a well thought out magical universe and man is this one of them. I really like that it's a "STAY IN THE CIRCLE" kind of magic.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uRg3WRnjuNM/VVapvUIPEYI/AAAAAAAACys/fD7a3SAppJA/s1600/bird-379296_1280.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="277" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uRg3WRnjuNM/VVapvUIPEYI/AAAAAAAACys/fD7a3SAppJA/s400/bird-379296_1280.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All hail the Raven King. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<i></i><br />
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<i><br /></i>
<i>"Stay in the circle" magic:</i> A story in which magic is not safe. If the magician stays in the circle there is some power to be had and he or she is fairly safe. The forces outside the circle give power but they also call out, "step outside, step outside the circle and you will have power beyond your wildest imagination. Okay maybe step is too strong a word. Why don't you just stick your toe out? Just a toe. What evil could possibly come of that?" They are not lying. It is true. The only way to any real power lies with them. So eventually the Magician comes out of the circle and the rest of the story is about someone cleaning up the mess.<br />
<br />
<br />
In Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell magic's danger factor is fairies. Fairies ooze magic but they don't have any objection to killing slews of people to get what they want. I appreciate this because I feel that, if magic was a real thing it would probably be this way. Not just a force capable of being used for evil (Harry Potter) but a thing that requires risk to use (to any substantial degree).<br />
<br />
*I mean, it's not like Harry Potter isn't for adults. Heaven knows that I've read the whole series more times than I can count and go through an obsessive HP phase at least every 2 years. My last Harry bout was in November- see post: <a href="http://seizetheabsurd.blogspot.com/2014/10/pottermania-owls.html" target="_blank">pottermania-owls</a><br />
<br />
NB: If anyone wants to talk about any part of Johnathan Strange & Mr. Norrell (What they liked, what they didn't like, how many times they said, "Johnathan! Come-ON!", how they think I'm wrong, how much they like Arabella) then they should comment here or on facebook. I miss talking about books with people.lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-11044496446065284792015-05-14T09:27:00.001-07:002015-05-14T10:49:18.456-07:00Used Envelopes VS Notebooks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEM? I have notebooks. I have many notebooks. I have fancy notebooks with the Chi-Rho (XPI) Page from the book of Kells on it. I have cheap composition notebooks with the black and white cow pattern on them. </div>
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But do I use any of them? NOPE. These notebooks are supposed to hold my torrents of ideas in the same spot so that, on the off chance that one of them is actually decent, I can find them again. They should make my ideas accessible so that I don't have them strewn all over the place like Sybil's oak leaves. </div>
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Instead I end up writing all over every envelope that I am sent and subsequently looking through the trash bin over for ideas that I had last Tuesday.</div>
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Example: Here we see the wild envelope writing tendency in its natural habitat.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ugVTbBPP7Hg/VVO29-opZ7I/AAAAAAAACyY/md7NQCMjra8/s1600/writing%2Bon%2Benvelopes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ugVTbBPP7Hg/VVO29-opZ7I/AAAAAAAACyY/md7NQCMjra8/s400/writing%2Bon%2Benvelopes.png" width="236" /></a></div>
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Resulting in this frustrated self-expression:</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ONcWjD1fLYk/VVO0A5j9PeI/AAAAAAAACx4/zYwwTHNTsi0/s1600/my%2BIdeas%2Bare%2Bbetter%2Bon%2Benvelopes.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ONcWjD1fLYk/VVO0A5j9PeI/AAAAAAAACx4/zYwwTHNTsi0/s1600/my%2BIdeas%2Bare%2Bbetter%2Bon%2Benvelopes.bmp" /></a></div>
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somewhat unrelated: you wanna see my fave stamps!?</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mFIHaKR44RA/VVO1ZuqaMLI/AAAAAAAACyE/ZtlpSXI1rAY/s1600/stamps.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mFIHaKR44RA/VVO1ZuqaMLI/AAAAAAAACyE/ZtlpSXI1rAY/s1600/stamps.png" /></a></div>
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From this ongoing trauma I formed a genius idea:</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-peztVqBLjfQ/VVO1cZDXvyI/AAAAAAAACyM/bHVtAL-ALzw/s1600/notebook%2Bof%2Bused%2Benvelopes.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-peztVqBLjfQ/VVO1cZDXvyI/AAAAAAAACyM/bHVtAL-ALzw/s1600/notebook%2Bof%2Bused%2Benvelopes.png" /></a></div>
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To be categorized under: Artsy Fartsy Problems</div>
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-58484932828301400032015-05-03T15:34:00.001-07:002015-05-03T15:34:12.889-07:00Un-Illuminated Manuscripts IIYet again:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bM0UTNtcApI/VUaVbAhkWhI/AAAAAAAACwc/2Q3qjmqFI0Q/s1600/un%2Billuminated%2Bmanuscripts%2B2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bM0UTNtcApI/VUaVbAhkWhI/AAAAAAAACwc/2Q3qjmqFI0Q/s1600/un%2Billuminated%2Bmanuscripts%2B2.png" height="305" width="640" /></a></div>
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I discovered "mostly-a-butt man" in the pages of a book chronicling the weird things that cropped up in illuminated manuscripts. I put this drawing in my sketchbook so I would not forget his glorious personage.<br />
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The following image is an combination of "mostly-a-butt man"and the "head growing as if it is on a weird vine" phenomenon frequently depicted in illuminated manuscripts. This image is useful for bestowing upon individuals who take up two parking spaces or bite into popsicles whilst I am watching.<br />
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That is all.lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-63877587367396456442015-05-01T14:42:00.000-07:002015-05-17T14:31:39.157-07:00Garage Sale Win: Sushi CatsIm just gonna take a moment of your time to brag about my great yard sale find a few weeks ago.<br />
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First off, yard sales are like gambling. You drive around, hoping that your Saturday morning will not be wasted. You constantly think to yourself, "Will I find something other than laminated place mats and ugly flower vases? Does everyone still have a VHS copy of Jurassic Park? Will this be worth the fact that I am not drinking coffee at this very moment?" Dear reader some times it is worth it. Sometimes one is lucky.*<br />
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*(Sometimes one is not lucky. Also you might be saying, "Liz just put your coffee in a damn reusable coffee mug that you can buy from Starbucks for a mere four thousand dollars." And unto you I say, "The coffee one drinks from a to-go cup tastes like hurry. It is not the same."<br />
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Moving on - I have purchased my first work of art. Here it is:<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DO-jXKwji9A/VUPxTDLPt_I/AAAAAAAACwI/HUnShgtWPq4/s1600/sushi%2Bcats.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DO-jXKwji9A/VUPxTDLPt_I/AAAAAAAACwI/HUnShgtWPq4/s1600/sushi%2Bcats.JPG" /></a></div>
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Look at them eat sushi with little chopsticks! I intend to keep this with me for the rest of my life until that fateful day when I die in a nursing home while playing Legend of Zelda.<br />
The man at the large rummage sale who was tending the cash box was jealous, "I wish I had seen this!" he said. Maybe he was lying to get me to bargain less aggressively but I think it's more likely that he was acknowledging its excellence (and rightly so).<br />
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Anyway I love this Sushi Cats painting so much that I thought I would share it with you because beautiful things should be shared.lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-6659693692707147612015-04-29T12:25:00.002-07:002015-05-17T17:08:10.436-07:00Bicycle Cards<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Cards - I dunno I just like them. </div>
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Why is the joker on a bicycle? </div>
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Why is the company called Bicycle? </div>
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I looked on the website but they did not tell me. </div>
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Hard times.</div>
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I looked at the spelling of the word "bicycle" for too long. </div>
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Now its meaning is nothing.</div>
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That text above looks kind of like a spade and if I was in the mood for some e.e. cummings nonsense I would turn it into one.</div>
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<br />lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-74878532537497778622015-04-26T15:42:00.002-07:002015-04-26T15:42:51.942-07:00Fabulous Newton<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Newton. Calculus. Less than any given damn. That's what I have to say.<br />
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Also this great picture that I found:<br />
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Newton: "Ah yes! All the discoveries I made about what happens to light when it travels through an <i>apple</i>. I'm so proud that my work has been boiled down to this."<br />
Artist somewhere: "You like it? Thanks! I just wanted to make sure that I included your important contribution about apples here in the picture. I don't really know what that triangle thing was before but it seemed unnecessary so I just replaced it with something you're famous for! YAY! (ad infinitum exclamation points)lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8173638610436008977.post-47670122904048910832015-04-22T13:50:00.003-07:002015-04-22T13:50:54.869-07:00Jane Eyre<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Because who doesn't love some stormy potentially haunted and dark romance? </div>
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Jane in School.</div>
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St. John is a lame-o.<br />
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lizrosemahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12192009271092748749noreply@blogger.com0