A letter to Spiders

Please send this message to all of the spiders that you know and I am sure that this problem will be cleared up immediately!  I have added a chart just in case the spiders have some questions.

P.S. Letter also applies to cockroaches. Thanks.



This request is brought to you by teaching a class in an old church's reception hall.

A recipe for personal challenge and critter heebie jeebies:
If you think that you are a strong person who can deal with the challenges of life and maybe pick up heavy things then you will enjoy my favorite recipe for finding out that: 1. you are in fact a coward and  2. you would like other people to smush offending things for you 
Pairs well with a side of bug and arachnid related nightmares.

Ingredients:

1 Large Black Widow
Killed by me without hesitation. Hey, I am a champ! I am up to any challenge.

FEARS

Fears:

You will never be anyone. 

You will never be anything. 

You will be who you are right now and never get better.

Someone else has done everything that you were fated for. 

What you were made to do has already been done by Tim. Yesterday. You just missed it sorry.

All the good art that there is to be made has been made and you have not made it. Art will continue, but emptily, like an explanation of a joke

You will be someone you do not like.

You will never have enough.

You will never have health insurance. 

You will have health insurance because you have given up on what you wanted. You will also have dental and a heart full of regrets. You will pour yourself a glass of whiskey in the middle class home you are paying off, it will taste like lost opportunity. 

Other people are better.

Somehow other people will have careers in things. You will not have careers in things. "Career" is a word that will slide off you and onto the ground, it will lie there limpid. 

You are not good at the thing.

You will stop loving people. It is easier not to. 

You will give up.

You will give up and start calling yourself a millennial. Once you do this, you will realize that it is true. That you somehow magically have a degree from a Liberal Arts College (which you do not regret) and your personality is not detail oriented. 

You will not write a book.