Monday, September 9, 2013

Sauron Goes to the Beach

Here in California it has decided to be disturbingly hot and sticky in September.

Wanting to put my face straight in the air conditioner  level = 100%

As a result Californians have been flocking to the beach in droves.
I stopped to think about it and I realized that I have been to the beach the last three weekends.

Last time I was at the beach with my friends I was suddenly bored of lying around like a banana slug trying to get a tan - so I decided that I wanted to build a sand castle and proceeded to enlist various other individuals who were significantly less enthusiastic about my architectural ambitions.

We started building a castle / pile of sand.
Friend: "This is Mordor."
Me: "Oh boo. Can't it be something nice?"
Friend: "No."
Me: "This is why we can't have nice things- because we turn them into Mordor."
Friend: "Shut-up. You are building Barad dur. I will make Cirith Ungul and a moat."

Thus the image of Sauron on the beach wearing a floaty and worrying about potential sand and water damage to his armor appeared in my imagination.

 (How is Sauron's armor not deflating that floaty? The floaty's love and adoration for Sauron keeps it alive. Look at the sparkle in its eyes.)

Sauron: "Oh look at all these people having a good time. I hate it."
Sandcastles are difficult to make.

(after a good while my Barad dur was still lump-like in nature and altogether unimpressive)
"Your Barad dur sucks.
It needs to have definitive architecture.
It needs to be taller."
Friend: "Your evil kingdom architecture ability does not live up to what you said about yourself on your resume. This is the last time I let an orc do anything which requires even mediocre wit."

As it got later our sandcastle (sand-very small mountain) began to get continuously smashed by larger waves. (that is the fun part). After one of these waves hit and flooded our moat I over-dramatically yelled "Noooo!" And furiously threw buckets of sand and water out of the moat.
Two older ladies were walking by - they looked at me for a minute- saw a huge mid-twenties person building an unimpressive sand castle with comic fervor and started laughing. I laughed with them.

Lastly there was this awesome kid there- who did this:

And then another wave would crash over him and then he would spit out some salt water regain composure and yell, "BRING IT POSEIDON!!!" again.

(So Poseidon usually has feet and Triton is the one with the merman tail but I wanted to draw one for the sake of fun - stop whining mythology die-hards.)

However - we do not threaten the gods especially Poseidon because:
1. The Odyssey - do not piss Poseidon off by messing with his one eyed son. Not that he was in to big rush to get off that island - Odysseus: "Poor me. I am having such a terrible time cheating on my eternally faithful wife with this Nymph Calypso. I just can't stand it anymore." boo-hoo.
2. Hippolytus - If you send Poseidon to kill your innocent son he will freaking do it okay? Don't mess with him.


  1. Was there seriously an eight year old kid saying that? And he wasn't a That's hilarious.

    1. Yes there was - he was not with me and not a part of any Thomas Aquinas College family that I know of.
      It was great. I thought, "this gives me hope for...children. It appears that some of them are totally awesome."

  2. You forgot Minas Morgul! How could you! We built that too! Actually, I built that and it lasted longer than Barad Dur. So there. :P

  3. Ah! The Lord of the Rings sand castle! The Poseidon kid! What a delightfully nerdy beach experience. Also, I notice your blog has received No?