Monday, July 8, 2013

A Rant About Making Fried Eggs

This is a post about my college work study job which was to make made-to-order eggs at breakfast every morning.
Every morning at 6 AM making breakfast and doing fried eggs for three years.
I AM THE GOD OF FRIED EGGS.



In case you were sitting there thinking, who is the god of fried eggs again?
I am a reluctant god of fried eggs because I really hope that I will achieve something slightly more impressive with my life. I am a deity nonetheless.

A list of things supporting my claim to deity over the realm of all things fried egg:

1. I did the math- I have made:



eggs.
That is an estimated thirty seven thousand four hundred and forty fried eggs.
I am at the end there seriously questioning the purpose of my continued existence.

2. At school someone once toasted me for making them eggs (when the seniors graduate they have a huge number of parties at which everyone gives toasts to each other and says stuff like: "Hear, hear, I would like to toast so-and-so person for being awesome and tell them that I once borrowed their toothbrush. Cheers!"). Some one who I didn't know super well was toasting and I was surprised to hear my name come up. All of a sudden I was being toasted for making fried eggs.
I was a little disheartened by this - and it seemed to me that the greatest thing that I would ever do was make eggs.


3. My friends claim that they will have a joint wedding accompanied by a brunch reception at which I will make made to order eggs.

4. The librarian at school who is a quirky elderly lady always told me that I should be a short order cook after college, she thought maybe someday if I worked hard enough I just might get to be an In-n-out manager. 
Since I have worked in various cafeterias since the age of 12 it is my life goal NOT to work in a kitchen.
Every time she said that to me I thought the following: 
I AM ATTENDING COLLEGE RIGHT NOW SO THAT I MIGHT AT SOME POINT NEVER HAVE TO WORK IN A KITCHEN AGAIN. 
I AM IN FINANCIAL SLAVERY TO THE GOVERNMENT SO THAT I NEVER HAVE TO WORK IN A KITCHEN AGAIN.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SHORT ORDER COOK.
I DO NOT WANT TO BE AN IN-N-OUT MANAGER.
I WILL FIGHT AGAINST MY FOOD SERVICE ORIENTED FATE UNTIL THE DAY I DIE.
all that caps lock yelling felt great. Therapy via internet. 
Also somewhat false- I did not go to college to get a job...but I was still hoping for a better one.

5. I think that at school I was described more by the making of eggs than anything. 
Person 1: "so I was talking to Liz" 
Person 2: "which Liz?" (there were like a million )
Person 1: "egg making Liz." 

If you passed a quiz on what I was like around the school it would go like this:

How would you describe liz?

__ smart      __ funny      X  makes eggs   __ honest    __ dependable  __ Satan   __ waffle

Every one would check "makes eggs".


Oh well I am going to pretend that I was really awesome at it and threw plates of eggs Frisbee style while leaping ninja-ly in the air as depicted below.


11 comments:

  1. I would still describe you as funny, but maybe that's just because I would always be too late to order eggs....
    -Marge

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You were not too late to order eggs for the most part. Marge I totally congratulate myself on not working in a kitchen, whenever I have just taught a class of 20 insane forth and fifth graders I remind myself that I do not work in a kitchen and I always feel better.

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  2. Baha, you are an egg ninja! I do feel your pain...but at least you were good at it. Also I remember..."Someday, you will be In'n'Out MANager, yeeees..." And the ensuing mutterings.

    Love,

    Monica

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    Replies
    1. omygosh (yes all one word you have to say it really fast like that) Viltis really does do that "Yeeeess" thing "easy over eggs in the morning yeees? here is our short order cook yeees?"
      I forgot to say that you and stash and everybody were the only good parts of getting up at the cuss-crack of dawn and making eggs.

      Delete
  3. I like your Dr. Seuss gravestone. Also, I miss seeing your face every morning at 6am...I am still getting up at the crack of dawn every day
    to drive to work, but now I am all by myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was going to say some witty joke thingy but then I couldn't think of one so I will just be candidly sentimental instead:
      a) I also miss seeing your face every morning at 6 am.
      b) I also get up at the crack of dawn (5:15 on Friday and Saturday)
      c) I wish that I got to work with you- the people I work with are cool but they are not you so yeah.
      d) I feel like I do not have any friends anymore and I just work.

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  4. Those were good eggs, I have to say. But I usually thought of you as "maybe she'll be up for volleyball" Liz. Also, the pictures are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad that there are possibly other adjectives to describe me besides "makes eggs" I am also glad that these adjectives involve volleyball which is something that I love:
      I even posted about it once upon a time- (during the Olympics last year)
      http://seizetheabsurd.blogspot.com/2012/08/olympics-3-volleyball-and-being-tall.html

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  5. I would usually describe you as "Liz who made me pee my pants" ....is that better than egg maker Liz?

    -Mohun

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it is better.

      Mohun I would usually describe you as: one of those really awesome people that we managed to acquire from the class above us somehow...and the class of 2013 will now pilfer awesome people from the tiny and very strange class of 2012.

      Or also as her majesty the tyrant of Kates.

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