Thursday, September 25, 2014

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Just Job Things

Resumes, unctuous cover letters, and mundane questions are huge challenges for me.
Corporate speak galvanizes a small demon in me - I am immediately tempted to give silly answers.

Recently I was asked to respond to questions about my short and long term professional goals - these were my first three thoughts about how to respond. I thought they were funny so I wrote them out for you.

Filch is a grumpy-grumplestiltskins. I just made that up and I am proud of it. I have been reading a lot of Harry Potter - can you tell?



Why do people pay so much for sunglasses?


What am I doing with my life? 
No I did not actually turn any of them in. If I had that much courage I would probably be in a more interesting place right now - like prison or perchance the Weasley's joke shop.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Great Books Some Crooks


That is supposed to be a high five...but it looks awkward. It says lorenzbro on purpose.

Machiavelli wrote fiction and comedy too - isn't that weird?
Machiavelli: "and then at the end - all the losers trip into a tiger pit and die! HAHA"
Everyone else: "ummm...right. Dark sense of humor there."

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday, September 5, 2014

Video Game and Pixel Art Attempts


I enjoy some retro-video games and newer games that look like retro games (VVVVV - google it fools. It brings great joy to all the peoples.) 
So I decided to try my hand at some pixel art just for you. 

Attempt 1: Bobble head Hellboy. 


1 Part effort drawing Hellboy - Equal Parts effort figuring out how to re-size the image. Google you Sphinx you!

I drew a birthday cupcake for myself. 

All this Pixel art made me think of old video games - and suddenly I had an idea for one so I wrote about it some.




The main character of the story is you as the boring Nobody No-onecareserson. This is your first year at Mundane University. Every professor has grey hair and wears a sweater vest. Absolutely every student is invested mentally and emotionally in the success of the school football team. Beer-Pong is the reason that the student body gets up in the morning.

You find the peach-pit of destiny under a loose floorboard in your dorm room and a narration voice tells you the story of Mundane University. Not so long ago the school was placed under a boring curse by a fugly godmother. You - the most typical of the normal people at mundane university - have been chosen to return mundane university to its former glory by expelling the evils of basic-bitchyness.

The game makes fun of you on many occasions.







And a proclivity towards normal objects which make unexpected things happen.



(* example: If you find whey powder and workout at the school gym while you are a princess you can go on a PRINCESS RAMPAGE to conquer Derek the Curmudgeonly Dragon.


Yes I know that the G in RAMPAGE looks like a C but I am too lazy to change it.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Kid Archetypes: 3 Touchy Feely Kid

I keep thinking I am done with these and then viola!
More of them crop up and remind me of the often present...

Touchy Feely Kid
That one kid that has no concept of space bubble whatsoever.


I literally had a kid stand there and purposefully breathe on me.
Hot breath on my hand.
My soul was in a kind of inner anguish I am unable to express with words.

There are two kinds of touchy feely kid:

This kid loves loves LOVES you and expresses this by attempting to treat you like a conscious jungle gym. To this kid you find yourself saying, "Hands to yourself so-and-so. Yes. Hands to yourself includes holding my foot. Put it down."

This is the kid that grabs your arm every time they have a question. At first I was a little puzzled by this - and I was like "Why does this kid keep grabbing my arm? Why don't they just ask for help?" and then it came to me. Some when in this youngsters few years upon the planet they realized an important truth - it is is pretty much impossible to ignore someone who is touching you.  They subsequently learned to use this truth to have power over your attention. If I am talking to almost five other kids at the same time they can demand (and acquire) my immediate attention by grabbing my arm.
I am not a fan of this.

Some slightly related not so deep introspection
The root of my issue with touchy feely kid lies in a slight on going psychiatric problem. I don't like being touched by people for the most part.
It boils down to this. It weirds me out that other people are conscious beings. Does this turkey sandwich  care that I picked it up and chucked at an unsuspecting frenemy? No. No it doesn't. But then if you try to hold hands with someone you are plagued with instant doubts. Do they hate this? I usually hate this so I bet they hate this. They hate this. I am sure they also care about being chucked at unsuspecting frenemies. 
Too complicated. Too much guess work. I don't like it.
I certainly don't like being touched by people I don't know.
and I especially really really do not like being touched by people I don't like.

This person is not intended to represent anyone that I actually know. We will just say that I dislike her - probably because she has a bow in her hair - and she decided to put her hand on my shoulder. In response I  feel angry and hissy like an assortment of threatened animals.





Here is a simple chart. Notice the scarcity of the green area.


You know it is serious when Hogwarts gets involved.

Monday, August 4, 2014

ADDinosaur

Because...
I don't know why.

Yesterday I flagrantly disregarded the long list of grown-up people things I had to do and wrote this dinosaur comic instead.
Here it is.




and the moral of the story is- you need to pay attention in the mesowhateverific era (I may or may not have done exactly no research and I have no idea whether or not parasurolophus and T rex were even around at same time but I felt like drawing them so whatever).