Monday, January 25, 2016

Friday, January 1, 2016

Star Wars: The Force Took A Quick Nap But It's Still Around

I am supposed to be finishing the pencils for something else so OF COURSE I don't want to do that AT ALL.
I saw Star Wars and so did everybody else and everybody else is writing about out it and I will too because shut up. I will also add shitty pictures from my phone made in pencil. It's my reputation as a cartoonist to burn


YEAH: 

- bb-8


-FINN/REY/POE kind of different characters but maybe also the same character do you see what I mean? But it's fine cause we like them? Out of all of them Finn is probably my favorite because he reacts the way that I probably would to his continued survival despite all odds which is running around and yelling, "I AM ALIVE LOOK AT ME SO ALIVE, LOSERS! 100% NOT DEAD. I AM NOT DEAD. HAHA LOOK AT MY BUTT CAUSE I AM NOT DEAD, WHO'S NOT DEAD NOW?! OH! IT'S ME... OH ARE THEY COMING BACK????!? OMG RUN FOR IT BB-8!" Finn's adrenaline filled exuberance is my fave and he very reasonably maybe just wants to get away from all this and live out his life?

- IT WAS FUN! Stuff blew up! People used sudden unbeknownst to them skills which appeared from nowhere like they should because that's our dream isn't it? That we are absolutely wonderful at things that we know nothing about? That we are the chosen one, not on this dusty planet we have been left on with the "add water and explode" bread that we toil day and night for, but in the universe to some other people in some other world we are heroes? If they had to learn things, if they had to work to master swordsmanship, if they had to take a written exam to fly x-wings (which they failed twice), if there was a space DMV where they had to renew their lightspeed licenses (Han Solo has never had one),
then they would be us in space which is not what you want and you know it.
I mean the plot is water tight as the titanic. But that's not what you came to see this movie for.

-Phasma (SPARKLES AND EVIL)
OH MY GOD HOLD ON DOES DISNEY NEED FACE CHARACTERS FOR PHASMA NOW BECAUSE I AM 6 FOOT 1 AND EVEN 3/4 OF AN INCH ON TALL DAYS AND I VOLUNTEER

-Leia is being a general of an army and Han Solo is doing nothing useful why is he in this movie for so long.

MEH

-bigger Bigger BIGGER Death Star. like not 2x bigger but 3x bigger for sure. very different.

-Dark side lookin' like a family on a long car ride instead of a badass unstoppable force:
"DAD! DAD! Kylo said we didn't NEED the droid. He said that! He said 'oh I will use my cool force powers' like he always does because he doesn't appreciate my death star and the mechanics of actual physical substances. NO it's always 'oh the force this, oh the force that, oh the force is strong with that wookie's ass that we saw back on

"DAD DAD why was Kylo busy killing his Father when he should have been asking, "what is my father doing here in this like i dunno only part of the death star which might blow the whole thing up?" Murdering people one at a time is inefficient

Kylo: DAD DAaaaD can we stop at Hot Topic I need a new mask.

I mean like use your anger Kylo but not stupidly aren't those the controls for um like the whole death star or whatever?

- The force took a quick nap but it's still around BUT only in the descendants of previous jedi people because apparently this cosmic power and balance manifests itself only through hereditary lines? meh.

BLEH:

- Nazi stormtrooper rally...really?

- Mr. Captianlargeprojectionofmygrosshead of the Dark side.  If you join the dark side the evil will age you to like instant one billion years old.

-Kylo Ren taking off his mask. Verily the movie turned into a farce at this point. Please Consider- "Star Wars: A Petulant Evil" for your next title

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Ghosts!

I forgot to post these ghosts from Halloween I <3 <3 <3 them okay?
Also it's never too late for Halloween.
It's Halloween forever in my soul.


Tuesday, November 10, 2015

crush


Crushes are the worst nobody needs them.
I especially do not need to relate to a person like they are the Trader Joe's chocolate I cannot live without (Dark, no not 75% that shit tastes like battery acid, no milk chocolate is anathema). I am fine and well can the democracy of  my mind and body (hahaha democracy ha more like tyranny ruled over by a triumphant bag of goldfish crackers) please decide against this nonsense it is a time and life waster more virulent than television.

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Scratches the Cat

More diary comics, this one is about a semi feral cat that would come in the house and hang out. He liked me except for when he didn't.


I have since met a cat (named Pickles) who is desperately affectionate and I vastly prefer Scratches' loving indifference.

Monday, September 14, 2015

Florida

This is a quick comic about my first couple days in Florida which involved:


  • sweating
  • roaches 
  • more sweating
  • larger roaches 
  • sweat stain possibilities that were hitherto unknown to me
  • humidity nausea 
  • and sleeping in the back of a car to avoid roaches


Saturday, August 15, 2015

Thanks for coming to this meeting

 Hey thanks for coming to this meeting Liz.

Yeah. (shifts hands nervously on the surface of the coffee table)

We just wanted to talk to you about some things that we think you could be doing a little better to help us reach our company goals.

Ok. (Damn it. Not okay. They are saying that you suck because you do suck. Try to listen to them just roll with it)

Right, well, this is really the most important one, we think that you could feign an interest in TV shows.

Okay.

I mean, it is a problem that you've only seen one episode of Game of Thrones and you don't tweet about a single TV show. We have really gone to a lot of effort to make you blend in physically and I think that it's really important that you fit in emotionally as well. Humans would probably die for TV shows and if we could figure out a way to harness that power, I mean, our job here would really be done.

That makes sense, it does. Um is okay for me to like pretend to care or do you want me to try to really care?

See that's part of the problem, asking a question like that seems to indicate that you aren't fully committed to our mission.

No. No, I am certainly committed to our mission, the number of human beings who let subservient animal species defecate on my lawn! No, their race is just so ready to be obliterated. I'm committed. I just want to be convincing and I want to know if it's possible for human beings to not tweet about tv shows because if it is maybe I could be one of those people, and not have to fake it?

It's not possible. Sometimes, what is it? Oh yeah! They say, "fake it till you make it". Can you try that?

Yep.