Sunday, April 5, 2015

Easter Egg Hunts

Youths these days.
All the Easter egg hunts I have seen recently looked something like this:

The eggs aren't even slightly hidden at all they are just poured out all over the grass like someone hid them by pouring thousands of them into an automatic pitching machine. The kids gather around the field of corn-syrupy dream in hordes and as soon as they start there is an elbows out lord of the flies free for all. What is the world coming to?
If I was hiding the eggs at least some of them would be hard to find, like you know behind something even.
Exhibit A: I would tie an Easter egg to the leg of a menacing looking falcon. Challenges build character.
PS and also: Jelly beans are gross. I know that some of you out there like jelly beans...whatever you're wrong. Of Jelly beans (all gross) the grossest are Brach's.

That's right typewriter not computer, typewriter. Next year introducing: lavender colored bellybutton lint flavored jelly beans! Thanks Brach's!
*someone recently brought a bag of brach's jelly beans to a game night and it was indeed confirmed that "toothpaste" and "all spice" were actually what they tasted like. Someone said, "if you help the mission succeed then you can eat a jelly bean...wait no...if you fail the mission then you have to eat a jelly bean"... the off brand cleaning product taste that every villain deserves.

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