Sunday, March 31, 2013

Happy Easter

Easter confirms the fact that in America we will keep in business the most revolting candy ever created. Though the Twinky has bit the dust, Peeps survive and spawn more of their kind each year.
Peeps is one of those things that everybody has so every couple of years you are convinced that "they cannot be gross if everyone buys them." So then you try one and you spit it out.
Peeps are nasty.

Because they taste nasty - I for some reason feel like Peeps have nasty characters hidden behind their crystallized sugar sweet faces. I feel like they are cruel, mean sugar-marshmallow mobsters.

If you were to over here a conversation between peeps it would be like this:
(Peep 1) BERNIE : Freddy if ya don't fork over ya chocolate eggs real soon, the boss says I gonna make some-mores outta ya wife and children.
(Peep 2) FREDDY: Oh my sweet pastel colored fluff marshmallow god! Ya can't do that ta me Bernie, I'll get dem chocolate eggs I promise.
BERNIE : Ya better or we melt you into the 50% off jet-puff marshmallow cream ya're made of. We'll put ya in an Easter basket and some kid will take a bite outta ya head and ya ass and toss the rest-a-ya in a trash bin. Got it?
FREDDY: I don't know where to find chocolate eggs.
BERNIE: Steal them from the Chocolate Rabbit Gang.
FREDDY: ummmmmmmmm... boss. Why do the chocolate Rabbits have eggs an not baby bunnies? That don't make no sense.
BERNIE: shut the fake-plastic-Easter-basket-grass up.

I now pose an essential scientific question: would peeps taste good in some-mores?
a discussion with myself concerning this important question:
a) They are gross so they could not possibly taste good.
b) How could some-mores be bad? The phrase "Bad Some-mores" is self-contradictory. If you are camping and your some-more falls in the dirt: 10/10 would eat anyway.

PS. The phrase "10/10 would eat anyway" should be a thing.
"raptor hamburger" response: 10/10 would eat anyway.
"Archaeologists found ancient wine" - 8/10 would drink anyway, and probably die.
"cherry bourbon" - 2/10 would drink anyway
(No really. It is foul. Don't drink it. Don't even steal it from your roommate and drink theirs, it is not even worth pilfering from someone else. Note: I am not here accusing my roommate of having such bad taste in alcoholic substances, rather I am speaking of other people and their roommates.)


  1. Obviously I'm behind. I'm sorry. Normally I would have the good grace to at least not comment when I'm so far behind, but I really needed to tell you that I've had Peep s'mores. And they are delicious. (The sugar carmelizes... yum.)

    1. Commenting is great- all the time! Even on posts much older than this one. I am overjoyed whenever evidence is presented that anyone reads this, and I think to myself, "Oh this is nice! It appears that your whole blog is not just you talking to yourself."
      Also, I am glad to know that peeps are good in some-mores, now I want to make some...I bet I can find them at dollar tree.