Sunday, May 19, 2013

Goodbye is a stupid word.

Everyone bear with me and my emotional moments. Take a second for me and remember what it was like to leave college. Or if you hated college then remember when you had to leave someone you loved. Or if you have never loved someone, then go chop onions until you cry you cussing robot... because I am a little jealous of you right now.

After receiving a diploma in a hazy dream state filled with strange hats and academic garb, I was congratulated by a host of faces. To all of the faces I said  "Thank you" rapid fire.
"Thank you." I said.
"Thank you."
"Yes. Thank you. Nice to see you. Thank you."
"Yes. I am wearing basketball shorts. You could see them when I went to receive my diploma? Oh well I guess they can't expel me now."

But the next day I had some serious reasons to believe that I shouldn't have been congratulated at all, and in fact I felt slightly betrayed by all those who congratulated me. Maybe they should have offered condolences instead. It dawned on me that I was saying goodbye to a bunch of people that I loved.
If I could go back in time to my own graduation and talk to myself our conversation would go like this:

Liz present: "condolences, I am very sorry for your loss."
Liz past: "what the? I think this tassel was in my ear. Did you say loss?"
Liz present: "Yes. Loss. You are about to realize that you are going to have to leave a bunch of people that you love. You will never live with them, you will never spend your entire life with them in the same way again. You are about to melt into a sniveling ball of weepy snot."
Liz past: "What?!"
Liz present: "Prepare to feel like a Mexican birthday party without a bouncy castle."
"Like a Jedi without a light saber."
 "Or Harry Potter without a scar."
"You do not have a job. You are in debt and your dreams of a successful career in comedy writing are not super likely to come true."
Liz past: "Well that was, um, realistic."

Anyway this feeling of loss resulted in the following cartoons in which my multiple personalities attempt to deal with our emotional turmoil.

I think that I just gave myself a hug via cartoon. I am a loser.

And it struck me as I was balling my eyes out about leaving these people - that goodbye is a stupid word. Because parting from people that you love is is not good at all. 
A goodbye seems like an oxymoron or a rare a mythical beast. Or possibly something that is only true when you hate the person leaving.
So yeah.
Farewell, class of 2013. 

Here have some never agains:
Never again will we ponder over dinner the very speculative question, "Is this pork or chicken?" Or more generically, "Is this food at all?" and the ever popular, "Are these vegetables green because they are dyed with food coloring?"
Never again will we suffer from dinner being "pork cutlets".
Never again will we pre-game a seminar.
Never again will we frantically try to learn the general ideas behind a semester of details in one night before a final.
Never again will we drink in a dirt patch...probably. 
Never again will we demonstrate a proposition.

PS Don't worry I will soon quit writing posts about graduation. I swear. No really I promise- don't leave. (she says with more than a tinge of desperation)


  1. Graduating sucked. Nobody seems to care whether rocks have final cause anymore...
    -Jacob Elfrink

    1. Sigh - quite true.
      I am however going to try a stand up set about time we will see if it flies.
      I was proud of that which is a good indication that the set will not be very successful.