A New Hoodie and a Post-College Rant

New sweatshirts are wondrously fuzzy - it's like wearing the skin of a stuffed animal you recently vanquished in battle.

More differently:
Also I did not post on Monday - after a year of posting faithfully.
Instead I went to an open mic which kind of sucked.
Also I am having some slight recent-college-graduate-crisis-trauma-issues-more-words.

And then I think to myself :
ME: "You could go back to graduate school and study things..." and then I look around on the internet and Everyone says: "DO NOT go to graduate school for any sort of social science/humanities degree. You will just post-pone your semi-jobless loafing state for a few years and increase the accompanying panic."
ME: "but there are tests...and and homework... and books and things I am good at... unlike real life or whatever the frick this is that I hate."
ME:"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY WHOLE LIFE! THERE IS A BLACK ABYSS OF NOTHING STARING AT ME AND NIETZSCHE SAYS IT IS GAZING BACK OR SOMETHING BUT HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO FIX ANYTHING NOTHING IS HAPPENING AND WHY AM I LISTENING TO NIETZSCHE ANYWAY." Existential crisis-es are torrential run-ons.
Everyone: "Shut up. Stare out this window."
ME: "oh. I like it. It is green and stuff and the leaves move a little bit. I think I will do this forever."

Sleep in or survive?

Things:
a. spider juice sounds like a Halloween appropriate mixed drink
b. Humans are so groggy and useless in the morning it is surprising we have survived this long. If you put a lion in my room and I woke up staring it in the face I would probably bop it with my pillow - turn over and go right back to sleep.
c. which is the most appropriate book to kill spiders with?
       1. Crime and Punishment - the crime: you are a spider in my house - the punishment: I kill you
       2. At Home in Midford. Because there is something outstanding about killing things with a book about              picturesque little towns.
       3. Not a book - instead the first season of Breaking Bad because Walter kills his first person like I kill spiders - "shit...sorry.. sorry...what have I done?...there was nothing else I could do - he was messing up my entire life...sorry"

I am the creepy runner.

I like to run. Running defends me from having a spaz attack of hyper-active energy. It also provides the illusion that I might be fending off the stream of calories coming at me from my steady diet of goldfish crackers and kraft mac and cheese.

Every morning I run pretty much the same route and end up at the same ending point at pretty much the same time. I am a creature of habit. I loathe change.

Now this ending point that I appear at around 8 am each morning happens to be an elementary school. At around 8 there are a couple of late children and parents trickling in and a couple of teachers outside waiting for them. This little school is a charter and it doesn't have any fences or gates so I walk right through the front of it. 

      It occurred to me a little while ago that I am a large, hostile looking person who appears at an elementary school everyday at precisely the same time. Conveniently, I also appear at a time when I can see kids go into the school. It dawned on me that behavior has a hint of stalker-y with a little tint of total creeper - but I said to myself, "Listen, self, you aren't doing anything wrong. It isn't your fault that you are gargantuan and odd looking. You are free to run wherever the crap you want to without being suspected of having a criminal record." 

      On Friday I got to the end of my run and stopped. 

I noticed that there were two women standing outside. One of them I had seen many times before, she was a principal or something. Today there was another larger "could-totally-take-me-in-a-fight" sized woman.

Both of them looked at me. 

They looked at each other. 

They glared at me simultaneously. 

I pretended not to noticed that, made a right angled turn and started walking off as normally as possible. 

The more intimidating chick started to follow me.

"It may be -" I thought, "that we are just walking in the same direction."

We were not just walking in the same direction. 

I turned around. 

I made my least creepy face. 

It made me look creepy-er.

Many potential scenarios flashed rapidly through my mind- 

"What are you doing here everyday?" she might ask - I am running I might say. I could say that I live right by here...wait no then she could look around, find me and beat me up..."

She said: 

Issues in the lives tall people: sometimes when you think that someone is going to come up and accuse you of being a sex-offender they invite you to be on a women's basketball team instead.

On a slightly related note I have also made this (chart? diagram?) thing regarding how I feel when I am running I have good days and I have bad days. I also have many other kinds of days - as described here: 

Okay OKAY! Fine the Greeks who are running around in those funeral games are not gods - whatever they are called godlike no-less than five thousand times so I am close enough. 

Absurd Cards II

I made more of these because now I am addicted to captioning stock photos.
In review: Once upon a time Seize the Absurd decided to make some crappy cards / postcards with MS paint. She enjoyed it and continued to make them (much to the dismay of the people throughout the land).

no really though the most normal of people are in fact insane

grammatical confusion? whatever.

Okay that one might be a little dark.

and that might have grammar issues and be math related ...

It might be possible that an entire range of greeting cards could be made from the lyrics of trashy pop.