The day after you party yourself into unconsciousness in celebration of your birth, stop and reflect on your state of being. If at this point you have nothing to apologize to your mother for...
you are deceiving yourself.
First of all:
Every single one of us enters this world like an absolute cuss.
We begin as incredibly needy things that don't let anyone else sleep. If your boss kept you up all night working, you would be furious, but babies get away with that kind of behavior all the time. Jerks.
Your first action was to be a total douche.
Sorry Mom, that you had to put up with our weepy infant-selves.
In celebration of this special holiday I have some apologies:
Sorry Mom, for all those times that I promised I would walk the dog if we got one...And then I didn't walk the dog ever.
Sorry Mom that I lied about brushing my teeth.
Sorry Mom that I am not a genius. I tried my best. Ok actually I didn't.
Before I was born 23 years ago...
My parents wanted to name me "Elizabeth" and they thought that they would call me "Beth". They were worried that I might be nicknamed "Liz" which they were not fond of because of Liz Taylor, who got married a gazillion times.
Sorry Mom....I am in absolutely no way a "Beth"
We will now ask a board of historians various questions about the course of history, had I been Beth and not Liz.
Ok. They killed each other never mind.
And yes Machiavelli is a historian.
Happy "Sorry Mom, Day" everybody.