Thanksgiving and the Grubbsters

Thanksgiving no longer.
Seize the Absurd had re-dubbed this holiday Thanksgrubbing.

This holiday even comes with a new holiday character.
 Easter has a bunny, and Christmas has Santa, Thanksgrubbing has the grubbster.

 Which is the odd white object you see there around which various foods are exploding. It's eyes starred with joy. The grubbster is a fat white blob without legs, and he embodies the spirit of gluttony.
No really food is awesome.
The first sightings of them were in my notebook: (here are some dubious quality photographs of these hideous and inefficient life forms)

  Remember that Thanksgrubbing is about avoiding the mean.
 Aristotle says moderation is choosing the mean with respect to bodily pleasures.
The grubbster never chooses the mean.

Thanksgrubbing is one of the most food-glorious days of the year.
The other food-glorious day being "chefs table" which requires some explaining. The cafeteria at my college is run by Bon Appetit, once a year chefs from other schools all come to my school and dump food on us by the truck load.
This year there were Korean tacos.
What is that? I still don't know... some sort of mouthwatering trade-your-baby-for-them goodness.
Anyway I ate about a thousand of them, and gave my last will and testament which was:

ME:  I ate so much that I am going to die, and at my funeral my parents will say, "at least she went out the way she wanted to".

But back to the miracles of Thanksgrubbing: specifically that canned cranberry sauce is better, just better.
Better than cranberry sauce with anything that looks like cranberries in it.

Which reminds me to announce that I have invented a new Thanksgrubbing tradition.
Wishbones are not fun.

Instead people should see who can get the canned cranberry sauce out first, as shown:

Also pretty soon, people will forget that thanksgiving ever existed. Instead it will be, "when we stuff ourselves the day before so that we don't have to stop anywhere to eat during Black Friday".