In my college dorm we have a
fascinating problem with Cheese stealing.
WANTED!! For heinous criminal activity,
the notorious:
KLEPTOMANIACAL CHEESE NIBBLER
this nefarious individual
- Takes brand new Trader Joe's Cheeses from the commons refrigerator
- Without removing the wrappers takes one big bite of each cheese (probably including one big bite of plastic wrapping...) and then returns them to the refrigerator.
About 6 cheeses have suffered this
fate
Some germaphopes have suffered fears
that their cheeses may be bitten into by random and unsanitary
persons (possessing diseases such as rabies and the like)
And this is what we look like in our outrage
REWARD: if you capture the cheese thief
you may have the pleasure of joining us in hoisting them up the
flagpole by their underwear.
And making them wear demeaning signs.
PS:
I have several questions concerning
this bizarre cheese thievery:
a) who does that??
b) who does that?
c) ew.
Yes “ew.” is not a question. Shut
up!
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