Wednesday, August 28, 2013

It Is My Birthday.

Well It is 1:00 and nothing terrible has happened to me so far so this is undoubtedly an improvement on my last birthday.

I am now 24 years of age.
I don't like cake but I do like pancakes- if I was going to have a birthday party it would look like this:

This party includes Hellboy and Nate the Great - both love pancakes.

One would think that I was an adult by this point. Nope.

  1. I fear the bank. 
  2. I found a baby squirrel on Friday and brought it home like a five year old asking, "Mom look what I found. Can I keep him?"
  3. I cannot figure out how to tip or split bills at restaurants thus I have a fear of waitresses as well.
  4. Last year on my birthday I set myself on fire so I might be doing a little better now.

The story of my last birthday is too wonderful - I cannot help but tell it again.

Last year I start my birthday off by making breakfast for the entire school (this is my workstudy job) it is a busy morning in the kitchen with James- the other breakfast cook.
 It is right at the beginning of the year and everybody shows up for breakfast and is gung-ho so we know we are going to be really busy (pretty soon breakfast attendance will drop off when everyone starts sleeping in again and people sprint across campus to their classes with bed-head and wrinkly dress pants at precisely 8:27 in the morning).
The pilot light for the huge flat-top grill is off and we aren't going to be able to make scrambled eggs which is a national emergency - so we mess around with it some and try to figure it out. This hasn't ever happened before and we aren't sure what to do. We call our boss and we are on the phone with her still trying to figure it out.
We both stick our faces down right below the grill and are looking into it.
We put the lighter in it.
A huge fireball engulfed our faces.
A litany of simultaneous shouting occurs:
ME: Oh SHIT! CUSS! * HAHAHAHAHA SHIT! HAHA (Laughter - I laugh when I get hurt for some completely unknown reason. My friend Liberty once said that I was possessed.)
BOSS (on the phone): WHAT HAPPENED? ..... LIZ!?!! WHAT HAPPENED!
STASH: WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID! (who had walked into the kitchen but was standing further away)

What happened was - we had left the gas on for too long before we lit it.
The gas then proceeded to blow up in our faces.
Apparently this gas also had not been given that distinct gas smell - sooooo even though we had our faces in it we did not smell anything.
Resultantly my eyebrows received a significant trim and the very front of my hair was singed off - as a result I proceeded to grow extremely funny looking bangs for the rest of the year.

I once wrote a post about my hair.

Mags you have to be in this picture with me on the internet because it is my birthday and I say so. Ha. 
Needless to say there were all of a sudden some mandatory meetings for kitchen supervisors on how to light various pieces of equipment. Which we went to and people were like, "When are we ever going to do this?" And I was like, "You aren't. James and I lit ourselves on fire so now we have to have some safety meetings about it."

Slightly different Adele lyrics- "I set fire to my face - watched it burn..."

Well it is 1:00 and compared to my last birthday things have been completely mundane- I could go for a fireball about now.

Also since now I am thinking about goings on at breakfast - I want to tell you about James' dream.
 James had a dream about us making breakfast. We were trying to cook breakfast but there were these huge two-foot long bugs everywhere in the kitchen. James turned to me and said, " Look. I just don't think that we can start cooking breakfast until we kill all the bugs. I mean it is just too difficult." And then he looked at me and I was standing there with a massive Kitchen knife skewering all the bugs I could see and I said, "WHAT do you think I HAVE been doing?!?!"

Well it is 1:00 and compared to my last birthday things have been completely mundane- I could go for a fireball about now.


  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ!!! I can't believe I never heard about the fireball incident! And I was the old James, too! Hmph. Oh well. I wish you bushy, long-lived eyebrows and many happy returns. Of the eyebrows and of the day. Love, love, love,

    1. What I never told you about that?! It was quite good - and of course the news spread around the school like wild fire (ha) and people kept coming up to me and going, "I hear it's your birthday and you started some kind of explosion in the kitchen. Can I feel the really short hair on the front of your head? Oh it's like some one gave the first millimeter of your hair a buzz cut. Also you smell like a hair fire."