Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The Twelve Days of Christmas Absurd Edition

The twelve days of Christmas is one of my favorite songs, mostly because it is a list of bizarre presents that nobody would want.

On the FIRST day of Christmas my true love gave to me :


On the SECOND day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
and a partridge in a pear tree.
Yes. I know what turtle doves look like.
Yes. I know they are not turtles.
I got very bored of drawing birds.
There are too many birds in this cussing cuss song.

On the THIRD day of Christmas my true love gave to me:


3 french hens*
*see previous stuff -I am already too lazy to type it out

ON the FORTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:


4 Calling Birds and three iphones.

On the FIFTH Day of Christmas my true love actually mixed it up a bit and got:
Daymn that is the BEST part. Really "5 golden rings" is the only reason to bother singing this song.
also: "oh um honey that bottom one there...I don't think we want that one."

On the SIXTH Day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

6 Geese-a-laying (right back to giving birds again).
I feel like this song is accompanied by a medieval woman who gets steadily more and more frustrated as her house fills with different kinds of birds, trees and random people. Here she is surrounded by 6 geese a laying. As we all know from traumatizing experiences - geese are lethal and nigh unto evil. Indeed if Cerberus ever needs a break just replace that sucker with some geese from a park.

And you thought I wouldn't finish it.
Me too.
But here it is.

ON the SEVENTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:


Seven Swans a Swimming in the bathtub.

ON the EIGHTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

8 Maids a Milking apparently inside the house which turned out to be unwise.

On the NINTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:


9 ladies dancing and or kicking each other in the face.

On the TENTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

10 Lords of Leaping which is what they are currently doing.
In other news I think that would be pretty cool at parties, "Oh what do you do Steven?"
"I am a Lord of Leaping."

MovingON the ELEVENTH day of Christmas my true love gave to me:

11 Pipers Piping. No I don't know why they have strange hats. Yes that is an ocarina of time.

On the TWELFTH day of (omygod FINALLY!) Christmas my true love gave to me:


12 Drummers Drumming and a partridge in a pair tree.

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. A comment YAYAYAYAYAY...I actually have no Idea how to reply to that. Thus I shall pose a deep and meaningful question.
      Is that "yay" typed many times?
      Or rather "ya" typed many times?
      This is an important question on par with (Mr. Numyer's favorite) "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?"

      Delete