Recently we at Seize the Absurd have investigated the classic Christmas song, "The Twelve Days of Christmas" resulting in some interesting conclusions. Upon further observation Christmas songs appear to have many oddities. While caroling I discovered that singing is not a viable career option for me, and also that one who sings "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" makes rude demands for figgy pudding.
ME: "Song, you are crazy.
Seeing as we are making vehement demands which no one will take seriously we could demand anything.
Anything... cars...chocolate...that the next hobbit movie be better...
And yet we demand figgy pudding.
Really? Who even wants that?"
Also now I am envisioning some gangster carolers, "bring us the cussing figgy pudding. Bring it right cussing here, you cussing cuss."
Acceptable uses for figgy Pudding:
Douse in alcohol, set on fire, and throw at unwanted passers-by? Yes.
(Additional Questions: You are the only one who writes Seize the Absurd. Why did you refer to yourself as we? Are you using the royal we? snob.
ME: Plural we, referring to multiple personalities which I may or may not possess. My predominant personality over the Christmas season is one who despises leaving the house and lives in constant horror of mobs at shopping malls. Who knows when they will go completely insane over their inability to purchase furbys for their children? Mob mentality is a fearsome thing.)