Sunday, February 3, 2013

Complaints About College Libraries

Someone recently reminded me about all of the annoying things about libraries and thus I have written this list of complaints:

  1. Our college library suffers from a lack of comfortable chairs, nooks, and crannies.
Libraries should have comfortable chairs in which one should be able to sit for at least 4 hours without their butt going numb. Occasionally one needs to bust out a paper in one day and they don’t have time to stand up, or attempt to wake up their butt after it has fallen asleep. My college did not attend to this principle and bought a ton of wooden chairs…
Also, every library should possess a thousand secluded corners with tables in them. Instead library designers seem to think that there should be large open areas filled with a thousand tables.
Here are some cartoons which illustrate useful principles of library design:

Our library only has one corner in which one study in solitary bliss, people are continually fighting over it.
Furthermore in a slightly unrelated fashion:
 It is terrible when someone takes your spot in the library and you are stuck sort of stalking them from behind various bookshelves while attempting to communicate your extreme anger and frustration by telepathy. I am told that in the large old universities there are homeless looking scholars who practically live in the library and have their spots permanently reserved for them. This sounds like a lifestyle worth pursuing.

  1. The library computer room is windowless, abysmal and melancholy inducing.
Why would there be a computer room Liz, which you would be stuck in when there is wireless internet?
Because there is no wireless internet on my college campus.
I am going to go get some coffee while I let that sink in.
I am back.
Yes, it has whiskey in it.
I am going to say it again now.
Really. No wireless internet. So that is why I have to suffer in the Library’s computer room.
Did you hear that explosion? It was the sound of millions of college students minds being blown. They would die without the internet.

  1. Our library does not have any recent books.
We have a rare books room containing:
·         Some really old book that a monk might have died on, there is an unpleasant looking blood spatter on it. I bet he said “the pen is mightier…” and then some Viking ran him through. (Are you thinking of Celebrity Jeopardy right now? because I am.)
·         Some books that have “fore edge painting” if you slant the pages they make pictures. Apparently this was very popular at some point. Nobody cares what these books say… but the sides make a picture.
I feel like our library is a flashback to the Middle Ages.

It is acceptable that we do not have Twilight.

  1. The library does not have any children’s books.
There is nothing that helps to alleviate the Sundays (a mental disease that ruins half the weekend through dread) like children’s books which have awesome pictures and are great. Our library has no children’s books or children’s section at all. I would read them in the children’s section of the regular library, but all of the moms give me funny looks.
  1. Our library is deathly silent.
Now, most libraries are quiet but our library is silent and echo-y you can hear a stomach grumble from the other side of the building.

Coming soon: Libraries Part Two, Hell’s Library.

Coming eventually: Video footage of Trivial Quadrivial Pursuit, once I acquire it (which I have not succeeded in yet) I will have to edit out all the parts where we sit around thinking and all the parts in which I am stupid and or make mistakes.

What do you mean by eventually?
Eventually as in:
“When will we clean all of this black mold out of the shower?”
 “When will we organize your collection of Guinea Pig costumes?”

I do have this picture though.
In which I look like a stoner.


  1. I. Am. Dying.

    This was amazing and also accurate. Did I mention amazing?

    At Bellarmine, we have something called "study carrels" in which dozens of students mill around looking for a spot to study. I, being the introverted, socially awkward, and slightly paranoid gal that I am, avoid these carrels in the same fashion that I often avoid Justin Beiber anything. There is, however, a large room dedicated to the theologian Thomas Merton that hold his relics (such as his overalls. No, I am not kidding). It's a decent place to study except there are surveillance cameras (again, not kidding).

    Also: I am absolutely digging your Pirate Captain look.


    1. surveillance cameras...for what?
      To discover all the people illegally eating stuff? (There is no eating in our library either.)
      To discover how many people pick their nose?

      We also have strange relics and stuff, but overalls sound like the best relic I have heard of yet. It seems to me like its usually saint so-and-so's pinky finger or something debatable nasty.
      I would venerate the crap out of some overalls. (Did I say that right? Does one even venerate relics? I don't know these things why do I talk about them?)

    2. The only thing I can think of is that they're afraid some homeless person will break in and steal the overalls. I just make weird faces at the cameras and then duck away when the security guy recognizes me.

      I'm not sure how relics work, either. But that sounds good. "The Overalls of Thomas Merton, Venerated by That Girl Who Made a Shark Hat." Also, I would trade you the overalls for the weird pinky finger of So-and-So. Somehow, I think having the head of Thomas Beckett encased in (gold? glass?) something trumps both of our colleges. DARN YOU CANTERBURY (I think?)


    3. You go to a catholic liberal arts school, but are you catholic?
      PS operation steal overalls...I just wanted to say that

    4. I am in no way, shape, or form Catholic. Nor do I belong to any organized religion. I have a thing against those who persecute others for not believing the same way they do. Go figure. Haha.

      PS Roger, Echo 49-er. (That's the kind of thing they say on spy missions, right? No?...okay.)


    5. Cool. I go to one of the most catholic schools ever, but am not catholic. It's a little strange, but after four years I am pretty used to it now.

  2. Have you read The Dos and Don'ts of Underwear by Todd Parr? It's pretty much my favorite children's book ever.

    1. I have not read it, but I did look it up on amazon right now and the summary said something like:
      "do wear underwear when you go trick-or-treating" but please "don't wear it over your costume."
      and now I want to read it.
      I also am reminded of a kid who wore his underwear over his pants on an every-day sort of basis. His parents were artists, and it appears they did not care about this. I will probably be that sort of parent.

      I like Maurice Sendak, and everything else, they just make me happy.