The National Gallery of Art

We went to the National Gallery of Art - they gave out little sketch books.  It has a Van Gogh sketch on the front, so that you can be reminded of how feeble your sketch attempts are in comparison. I had a good time making jokes.

H

Drat

A Very Good Dog

A comic for my dog who passed away. Because I love him. I think that now he is in a better place where he sleeps on an exact replica of my parent's bed all the time and no one ever makes him get off. I think that none of the doors in the house are ever closed and somehow we are all there for him all day everyday. 

I am not open to your mocking me for being sentimental right now.

Ipod Dancing

Yes my nano is old

we have a v long term relationship

Star Wars: The Force Took A Quick Nap But It's Still Around

I am supposed to be finishing the pencils for something else so OF COURSE I don't want to do that AT ALL.
I saw Star Wars and so did everybody else and everybody else is writing about out it and I will too because shut up. I will also add shitty pictures from my phone made in pencil. It's my reputation as a cartoonist to burn

YEAH: 

- bb-8

-FINN/REY/POE kind of different characters but maybe also the same character do you see what I mean? But it's fine cause we like them? Out of all of them Finn is probably my favorite because he reacts the way that I probably would to his continued survival despite all odds which is running around and yelling, "I AM ALIVE LOOK AT ME SO ALIVE, LOSERS! 100% NOT DEAD. I AM NOT DEAD. HAHA LOOK AT MY BUTT CAUSE I AM NOT DEAD, WHO'S NOT DEAD NOW?! OH! IT'S ME... OH ARE THEY COMING BACK????!? OMG RUN FOR IT BB-8!" Finn's adrenaline filled exuberance is my fave and he very reasonably maybe just wants to get away from all this and live out his life?

- IT WAS FUN! Stuff blew up! People used sudden unbeknownst to them skills which appeared from nowhere like they should because that's our dream isn't it? That we are absolutely wonderful at things that we know nothing about? That we are the chosen one, not on this dusty planet we have been left on with the "add water and explode" bread that we toil day and night for, but in the universe to some other people in some other world we are heroes? If they had to learn things, if they had to work to master swordsmanship, if they had to take a written exam to fly x-wings (which they failed twice), if there was a space DMV where they had to renew their lightspeed licenses (Han Solo has never had one),
then they would be us in space which is not what you want and you know it.
I mean the plot is water tight as the titanic. But that's not what you came to see this movie for.

-Phasma (SPARKLES AND EVIL)
OH MY GOD HOLD ON DOES DISNEY NEED FACE CHARACTERS FOR PHASMA NOW BECAUSE I AM 6 FOOT 1 AND EVEN 2 OF INCHES ON TALL DAYS AND I VOLUNTEER

-Leia is being a general of an army and Han Solo is doing nothing useful why is he in this movie for so long.

MEH

-bigger Bigger BIGGER Death Star. like not 2x bigger but 3x bigger for sure. very different.

-Dark side lookin' like a family on a long car ride instead of a badass unstoppable force:
"DAD! DAD! Kylo said we didn't NEED the droid. He said that! He said 'oh I will use my cool force powers' like he always does because he doesn't appreciate my death star and the mechanics of actual physical substances. NO it's always 'oh the force this, oh the force that, oh the force is strong with that wookie's ass that we saw back on

"DAD DAD why was Kylo busy killing his Father when he should have been asking, "what is my father doing here in this like i dunno only part of the death star which might blow the whole thing up?" Murdering people one at a time is inefficient

Kylo: DAD DAaaaD can we stop at Hot Topic I need a new mask.

I mean like use your anger Kylo but not stupidly aren't those the controls for um like the whole death star or whatever?

- The force took a quick nap but it's still around BUT only in the descendants of previous jedi people because apparently this cosmic power and balance manifests itself only through hereditary lines? meh.

BLEH:

- Nazi stormtrooper rally...really?

- Mr. Captianlargeprojectionofmygrosshead of the Dark side.  If you join the dark side the evil will age you to like instant one billion years old.

-Kylo Ren taking off his mask. Verily the movie turned into a farce at this point. Please Consider- "Star Wars: A Petulant Evil" for your next title

Ghosts!

I forgot to post these ghosts from Halloween I <3 <3 <3 them okay?
Also it's never too late for Halloween.
It's Halloween forever in my soul.

crush

Crushes are the worst nobody needs them.

I especially do not need to relate to a person like they are the Trader Joe's chocolate I cannot live without (Dark, no not 75% that shit tastes like battery acid, no milk chocolate is anathema). I am fine and well can the democracy of  my mind and body (hahaha democracy ha more like tyranny ruled over by a triumphant bag of goldfish crackers) please decide against this nonsense it is a time and life waster more virulent than television.

Scratches the Cat

More diary comics, this one is about a semi feral cat that would come in the house and hang out. He liked me except for when he didn't.

I have since met a cat (named Pickles) who is desperately affectionate and I vastly prefer Scratches' loving indifference.

Florida

This is a quick comic about my first couple days in Florida which involved:

• sweating
• roaches 
• more sweating
• larger roaches 
• sweat stain possibilities that were hitherto unknown to me
• humidity nausea 
• and sleeping in the back of a car to avoid roaches

Thanks for coming to this meeting

 Hey thanks for coming to this meeting Liz.

Yeah. (shifts hands nervously on the surface of the coffee table)

We just wanted to talk to you about some things that we think you could be doing a little better to help us reach our company goals.

Ok. (Damn it. Not okay. They are saying that you suck because you do suck. Try to listen to them just roll with it)

Right, well, this is really the most important one, we think that you could feign an interest in TV shows.

Okay.

I mean, it is a problem that you've only seen one episode of Game of Thrones and you don't tweet about a single TV show. We have really gone to a lot of effort to make you blend in physically and I think that it's really important that you fit in emotionally as well. Humans would probably die for TV shows and if we could figure out a way to harness that power, I mean, our job here would really be done.

That makes sense, it does. Um is okay for me to like pretend to care or do you want me to try to really care?

See that's part of the problem, asking a question like that seems to indicate that you aren't fully committed to our mission.

No. No, I am certainly committed to our mission, the number of human beings who let subservient animal species defecate on my lawn! No, their race is just so ready to be obliterated. I'm committed. I just want to be convincing and I want to know if it's possible for human beings to not tweet about tv shows because if it is maybe I could be one of those people, and not have to fake it?

It's not possible. Sometimes, what is it? Oh yeah! They say, "fake it till you make it". Can you try that?

Yep.

A letter to Spiders

Please send this message to all of the spiders that you know and I am sure that this problem will be cleared up immediately!  I have added a chart just in case the spiders have some questions.

P.S. Letter also applies to cockroaches. Thanks.



This request is brought to you by teaching a class in an old church's reception hall.

A recipe for personal challenge and critter heebie jeebies:
If you think that you are a strong person who can deal with the challenges of life and maybe pick up heavy things then you will enjoy my favorite recipe for finding out that: 1. you are in fact a coward and  2. you would like other people to smush offending things for you 
Pairs well with a side of bug and arachnid related nightmares.

Ingredients:

1 Large Black Widow
Killed by me without hesitation. Hey, I am a champ! I am up to any challenge.

Jealous

A green or slightly off yellow monster.
I don't know your life but I think I want it for some reason.
The you that I made up is perfect.
I am so jealous of that you.
You are probably nothing like you in real life. You probably do things that you don't want to like  make dentist appointments, eat kale, and floss. You probably read half way through books that you really should have read forever ago and then quit (Cough* Anna Karenina).
Who knows? Maybe you are perfect and your life is a never ending serenade sung by dolphins but I doubt it.

Fave Friday: Weightlifting

Things I am tired of hearing:

I thought that this opinion was a mythical internet beast like a cyber cubaccabra or something.
I thought that this was something that only appeared in comments on you-tube videos, but NO I have personally witnessed people opining silly things about lifting. Let's all get some things straight: 

Here are some reasons you should lift: (Ladies especially!) 

1.  I am stronger now than I ever was in high school (I played a non-stop parade of sports in high school averaging probably to about two hours of exercise everyday for three years). Even though I'm old and eating a single chocolate chip makes me feel like trash, I've never been this strong.
2. Lifting heavy things feels awesome. Really though. Lift a heavy thing. Pick it up. Put it down. You will now be lifting heavy things forever. Welcome to the society of those who post PRs on Facebook. 

   

   Workouts feel great. Dead but great.

3. Challenge is awesome- was your only achievement this week watching American Ninja Warrior? Do something.

FEARS

Fears:

You will never be anyone. 

You will never be anything. 

You will be who you are right now and never get better.

Someone else has done everything that you were fated for. 

What you were made to do has already been done by Tim. Yesterday. You just missed it sorry.

All the good art that there is to be made has been made and you have not made it. Art will continue, but emptily, like an explanation of a joke

You will be someone you do not like.

You will never have enough.

You will never have health insurance. 

You will have health insurance because you have given up on what you wanted. You will also have dental and a heart full of regrets. You will pour yourself a glass of whiskey in the middle class home you are paying off, it will taste like lost opportunity. 

Other people are better.

Somehow other people will have careers in things. You will not have careers in things. "Career" is a word that will slide off you and onto the ground, it will lie there limpid. 

You are not good at the thing.

You will stop loving people. It is easier not to. 

You will give up.

You will give up and start calling yourself a millennial. Once you do this, you will realize that it is true. That you somehow magically have a degree from a Liberal Arts College (which you do not regret) and your personality is not detail oriented. 

You will not write a book. 

Sketchbooks and You!

Dear people of the universe,

I would like to bring to your attention an arts farts etiquette issue. 

When someone grabs your sketchbook and starts looking through it =  >:( 

Now you know and you have no excuse. 

Why Liz? Why does it bother you when I riffle through your mind on paper as if it was my very own? 

You are probably going to find: 

•  my mind on paper which I would like to keep to myself sometimes ok?
• figure drawings of some nekked people 
• random snippet notes on East of Eden or something that are like: "Timshel is the whole book    anyway. Soulless? non-humanness incarnate, incarnation of evil opposite of incarnation of Christ.  Never ending genesis. Cain and Abel, not Cain and Abel, forever Cain and Abel." Your reaction:????
•  a story I wrote about that one time you did something annoying
• more swears than you thought possible
• a cartoon in which the main character is a beheaded chicken

I'll be right back

My Life be like:

My life be like:

What even are those things on the table? 

"What even are"?

Liz it is impossible for me to conceive of a grammar in which that would be acceptable. 

I DO WHAT I WANT. 

THE BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS. 

Why do you think Candide is the funniest thing ever what is your problem.Voltaire was a big ass. 

A FUNNY BIG ASS.
Why are you shouting?

IT'S FUNNY ALSO TOO MUCH COFFEE RUN ON

Hello gentleman and toadstools that compose my readership I am having a day. The sort of day in which one arises and says to themselves, "let's get things done!" then they proceed not to get things done which drives them further and further into a land of panic and maybe also of tears but just maybe we will see. Sorry I have not been posting cartoons recently I have been submitting them various other places and practicing rejection. Character. Hooray.

Tombstone

I've been rethinking my tombstone game lately. Attempting to really capture your life on a piece of stone is a difficulty. Mostly it's factory molded angles cradling heart shaped placards on which your existence is whittled down to a name and dates. 

What happened to complex interlocking poems like in the Spoon River anthology? Now that is a graveyard I could be a part of.

Fave Friday: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

I have so many favorite things that I have decided to share them with you on Fridays. (Obligatory: These are a few of my favorite things!)
Have you heard of these things before? Probably. Fine. I'll remind you about some wonderful things then.

Today: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell

 Quick Fix: 

A fat book about some boss magic. Totally worth reading. 

Reading level: Like Harry Potter with a description of the battle of Waterloo in it.

Long Winded Description: 

This is like Harry Potter for grown ups.* If you grew up with the Chronicles of Narnia, Lord of the Rings, or harbor a fervent love for Neil Gaiman this is the book you've been waiting for. Read it right now. I only read it very recently but I wish I read it years ago.

I do fall hard for books with a well thought out magical universe and man is this one of them. I really like that it's a "STAY IN THE CIRCLE" kind of magic.

All hail the Raven King. 

Used Envelopes VS Notebooks

DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE THIS PROBLEM? I have notebooks. I have many notebooks. I have fancy notebooks with the Chi-Rho (XPI) Page from the book of Kells on it. I have cheap composition notebooks with the black and white cow pattern on them. 

But do I use any of them? NOPE. These notebooks are supposed to hold my torrents of ideas in the same spot so that, on the off chance that one of them is actually decent, I can find them again. They should make my ideas accessible so that I don't have them strewn all over the place like Sybil's oak leaves.  

Instead I end up writing all over every envelope that I am sent and subsequently looking through the trash bin over for ideas that I had last Tuesday.

Example: Here we see the wild envelope writing tendency in its natural habitat.

Resulting in this frustrated self-expression:

somewhat unrelated: you wanna see my fave stamps!?

From this ongoing trauma I formed a genius idea:

To be categorized under: Artsy Fartsy Problems