Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Scary Tales or Fairy Tales

Not that scary. I hope you weren't expecting a horror movie or something. 

Someone asked me for fairy tales involving "Little Red Riding Hood", "The Wizard of OZ" and "Alice and Wonderland", this is the result.
On the bottom, a flamingo (named Reginald) fed up with the Queen of Hearts and her game of croquet, marches angrily off the playing field. Simultaneously rescuing  a hedgehog from the fray. Reginald plans to lead a revolution, stating that, "hedgehogs and flamingos should not be used as croquet instruments, nor are they effective instruments for playing croquet."
On the upper half the Wolf (having just eaten Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandmama), is offering the Little Red's heart to the Tin man.

Too-much-crack Presents:  "A Bedtime Story: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took the one with all the cuss-tards on it." 

Please welcome our Narrator, the WOLF:  
 WOLF : "I don't know why I always get such a bad rap. I was taught by my parents to be polite and prey on the elderly and infirm. And, cuss it! I have stuck by it! Do you really think they taste better? They don't.
They call me the "Big bad wolf" and "sneaky devious wolf" but my name is "Alexis Wolfgang". I excel in scrap booking and I just want to make some friends. The other day I ran into a shiny object called the Tin man, I was just trying to help him out a bit...

TIN MAN: If I only had a heart!

WOLF: “Hey well I have this one you know, You can have it if you want to"   (* wolf smile)


WOLF: “I just... I just... I wanted to help. Ya know, and I thought you... well..."

WOLF: The Tin man hit me dreadfully hard with his stupid ax. 
In most stories I am hacked about by The Hunstman but he has gone off recently to be the hunk in some major motion picture and is busy. Thank God. But it appears that even without that lunatic I am yet again stuck in Fairyland's correctional facility.
The Tin man was awarded some badge of bravery or something, to which the Cowardly Lion said, "OH!! DAMN! If I only had C-c-c-courage!”


No really the wolf eats people. Because wolves eat people. He is a nice guy. Just don't tell him if you're sick. 

Thinking about the relative innocence of the wolf. How does PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) treat carnivores?
P.E.T.A: "we love animals don't kill them!"

ME: "But they kill each other...I mean you might have been able to save animals from us if hamburgers weren't tasty. How are you going to save them from themselves?"

P.E.T.A: oh we have a carnivore “rehabilitation” program. The Big Bad Wolf is in it right now.”
(Alexis Wolfgang sobs on the table as attendants attempt to force feed him vegetables)

ME: that doesn't look like its going so well...

P.E.T.A: Its going fine. We have lost four human attendants in the last three weeks to ravenous delusional carnivores. But we saved the lives of about 12 rabbits.

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