Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Independence Day

Yes it is July 4th.
 Government is weird.
 Everyone keeps asking candidates things like: "how are you going to fix the economy?"
 NOBODY is asking, "what the cuss is your plan to keep us from being taken over by the Chinese?" This is a very important social issue to me for the following reasons:

1. I cannot use chopsticks.
    Thus it follows that in the United States of China I would starve. 
    I have made some vague half-hearted hipster attempts using chopsticks in order to be "ethnic" which have all ended in me yelling " where are the cussing forks?"

2. People should be able to have as many children as they want. I support the right right of slightly-competent adults to leave as many obnoxious little versions of themselves as they want.

3. Freedom.
 The freedom to look at pictures of cupcakes and jello shots all day on Pintrest.
 The freedom to be religious.
 The freedom by which the ACLU sues the religious.
 The freedom to be from New Jersey. Which has produced a host of annoying people like that cake  boss guy.
    Lastly and most importantly in this beautiful country of ours we should be thankful for a freedom that we all exercise regularly...
the freedom to be idiots.

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