Sunday, July 22, 2012

Oregon vs. California

In my travels I have noted several differences between Oregon and California.
  1. There is green stuff in Oregon.
  2. There is green stuff in Oregon.
When we went up to Portland I had many strange and wonderful experiences.
A. The fact that appears to be mostly green is very confusing.
To begin with most of the city appeared to have trees and other vegetation. Which is very confusing as a person from LA because I usually use quality and frequency of greenery to judge whether or not I am in a safe area.
  1. Beverly hills is very green. They have trees growing in the middle of the houses that they rent from Jewish people.
  2. The area around USC and the science center is shady as cuss, but not because they have trees. There are no trees, and one can feel their likelyhood-of-being-shot-o'-meter rising like a spaceship lifting off.
But all of Portland looked pretty green. How am I supposed to tell if we are in a bad part of town?

I expressed my sense of discombobulation, to my brother who promptly reminded me of another especially sketch area of LA....Hollywood.
Hollywood is a trash bin.
Sunset strip is ridiculously dirty, the whole thing needs to be power hosed.
Californians wear sandals everywhere...everywhere...but not on Sunset boulevard because that sidewalk looks like it is more disease ridden then the floor of a port-a-potty. Also hide your children, because the only things that they sell there is tourist crap, tattoos, and lingerie. The rest of the world is fascinated by it though, if you say you are from LA you will without fail be asked about Hollywood. So let's settle this forever.
Do you love Hollywood? Is it cool?
No, we don't go there, there is pretty much nothing cool there, it is disease ridden, and it is full of little stars which remind us that we live in LA but have still not managed to become famous.

B. That said I would like to mention that in Portland somebody let me over on the freeway. I was about to miss my exit onto some other freeway and I really absolutely desperately needed to get over and somebody just slowed down and let me in...which resulted in me yelling “WHERE THE CUSS ARE WE”.

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